Dear Avalon,

Muse. Noun. A person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist.

So, there was that crush on actor/TV personality Mike O’Malley, some would argue. And indeed, that was a phase that lasted roughly from second grade through sophomore year in high school. In retrospect, however, it never really spawned anything of note, not even any fantasy romance scenarios, just lots of laughs. Nonetheless, he remains the only true crush I ever had (meaning the only one that went beyond simply finding someone “cute”).

One could also point to the fact that I have been a Garth Brooks fan since long before it was “cool” — almost since his debut, in fact. But there again, I never read much more into his work or his persona than its role as pure enjoyment (or comfort on those occasions I detected parallel emotions in his lyrics, personified by the raw passion of his sharp motions and perfervid vocals…) I remain a huge — almost possessive — fan to this day.

Cassandra, on the other hand, was an enigma — an Australian beauty whose visage was pure as the Triassic rock formations and ultramarine beaches that shaped its essence upon the cessation of the second World War. She was a “Bond Girl,” and her best known role was probably that of “Mrs. Pierce Brosnan,” but that wasn’t important to me. There was a resonant depth to her, laced with a classic elegance and a sultry accent whose origins Down Under were tough to place following some years in London.

Among the adjectives I’d seen attributed to her, the most recurring were: beautiful, talented, delightful, strong, fighter…

For Christmas of 1998, I asked for the unauthorized biography of Pierce Brosnan that had just come out, solely because I’d heard much of its contents featured Cassandra. I wasn’t sure what to expect — from the book itself or how it would shape my impressions of this woman. I only sought to tame some of the mystery surrounding who she was. At that point, I’d only seen her as the ill-fated Countess Lisl in For Your Eyes Only, after all; I knew little otherwise. And true to form, it wasn’t the pop culture phenomenons like Titanic that intrigued me; it was those lesser knowns whose lack of exposure was enough for others to render them not worth caring about.

I’ve gotten many questions over the years regarding Cassandra Harris — everything from, “Who is she?” to “What attracted you to her?”, with the latter inquiry curious as to whether it had something to do with “the struggle” (referring to her battle with cancer, which tragically took her life in 1991).

I’ve had many years to think about it now, and I can honestly conclude that the fact that she was a fighter in that respect was lagniappe. I am loath to say that was the main reason, as it implies that my enchantment with Cassandra may not have materialized had she perfect health through the duration of her life. And I know that isn’t true.

Firstly, Cassandra was human. And yes, this aura was probably aided greatly by the fact that she was never a household name. But she was not this glossy Hollywood figure whose image felt largely manufactured by the industry for the purpose of perpetuating a public narrative concerning who and what I was “supposed” to like.

Instead, she was a heroine of her own making whose life story was prefaced in the aforementioned Brosnan book by her husband revering her as “a woman who had re-invented herself.” What followed was the journey of Sandra Colleen Waites, a (roughly) seventh-generation Australian born just eight days after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor in the land’s “Big Smoke” (Sydney), and growing up in the nearby seaside village of Avalon before eventually moving to London where she became “Cassandra.”

She was resilient — blacklisted from acting roles in her native land for filming an (albeit artistically silhouetted) nude scene… a survivor of open heart surgery and a tumultuous romance with Richard Harris’ younger brother… an ambitious protean of an actress on the brink of success when she decided to put it all on the back burner to become the architect of her new husband’s career… It commenced with rehearsals of the Manions of America script while filming For Your Eyes Only, followed by a crafty finagling of a trip to the New World they could not afford, but for Cassandra “finding a way” — as she insisted she would — through an ad concerning a second mortgage on central heating. Brosnan himself has maintained for years that he owes all of his success to her, and how her last words to him, “Always an actor…”, were an exhortation to carry on the dream they built side by side.

She was a creative soul, drawing from life experiences while holding tight to her unique heritage. Following her heart surgery in the spring of 1976, she spent her six week convalescence at Richard Harris’ Bahamas retreat writing a book, play, and TV series inspired by her experience, all of the “tragicomedy” variety. Later on, not too long before being hit with ovarian cancer, she’d conceived another project envisioned as a film or miniseries. This one was based on the diaries of a distant relative with whom she’d been enamored her entire life — a novelist and artist who’d married German Baron and was smuggled out to fatherland Australia during the first World War. (To me it’s already lightyears ahead of that magnum opus of the 90’s known as Titanic, the Daniel Craig ego trip people have the nerve to still call “Bond,” and everything Tina Fey has ever produced combined, even if it may never meet the public eye).

She was exquisite. Her countenance resembled something half-drawn from a Tennyson poem, half-carved from a Roman goddess… a statuesque and regal mien, yet always down to earth. In a nutshell, perhaps “timeless” would be the most fitting label to place on her appearance. Though selection as a “Bond Girl” may be the most well-cited validation of her classic allure, her other credits included that of Sammy Davis Jr’s “Ideal Woman” and one of Lord Lichfield’s subjects for his book The World’s Most Beautiful Women.

As I acknowledge each of her qualities, it occurs to me that her appeal was not much different from that of the other people I’ve admired through the course of my life. Some are quick to point to “facing adversity,” but I don’t think that’s such a recurring theme as that of identity — particularly the exploration, finding, and cultivation thereof. That is the thing I strive most to emulate in my own life. Complimenting the journey towards identity was a certain degree of charm and character you just don’t see anymore among today’s “stars” (and which I’ll probably never have either).

I do attest, however, to asking the perennial question of “What would Cassandra do?” all throughout high school when adversity hit… to which my mother, whenever attempting to answer, would always begin with, “Oh, DAHLING!!!”

As I think back on college, one of my biggest regrets is loosening my grip on the influence I’d derived from Cassandra. I was prompted to revisit my “fangirling” campaign in her honor upon the beginning of a purge of my childhood bedroom and bonus room this past August. It is a project still ongoing. Through it all, she’s proven to have yet another distinction grossly scarce among most celebrity “obsessions.” That is staying power.

And as she “reinvented” herself, in the same spirit I begin to draw out my ideal life, and how to make it possible and achievable.

Happy heavenly birthday, Cassandra! Godspeed!